Guilt and Shame
by Old Fiat
Summary: It was the guilt and shame that kept him silent. This silence-- it was like duct tape being pressed over his mouth and nose, suffocating him slowly and painfully. It was going to kill him soon, he knew. One-sided Choy one-shot. Dedicated to HyugaHiazi.


Guilt and Shame

**Guilt and Shame**

Old Fiat

Disclaimer: I don't own _High School Musical_.

Dedicated to: HyugaHiazi. I promised them a Choy story, like, a billion (six) months ago. Sorry this is a one-sided thing. :D

Currently Listening: "War on Drugs" by Barenaked Ladies from the album, _Everything to Everyone_.

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Chad shut his eyes as the warm water slid over his sweaty body. The scent of steam and skin was almost overwhelming. His heart beat seemed suddenly slow and the blood chugged lazily through his body, making him dizzy. He pressed his forehead against the cool tiles of the shower, shivering at the difference in temperature.

This was going to kill him.

The pain he felt whenever he saw Troy's hand in hers, like a thousand red hot knives stabbing him in the stomach. The heat he felt as loathing for the sweet, intelligent girl pounded through him at the sight. The guilt and shame that weighed on his shoulders as he felt his pulse quicken at the sight of him best friend.

It was the guilt and shame that kept him silent. This silence—it was like duct tape being pressed over his mouth and nose, suffocating him slowly and painfully. It was going to kill him soon, he knew.

He breathed long, shallow breaths as the water pounded against his back.

It was confusing. He felt so happy as Troy smiled at Gabriella blissfully, the love between the two undeniable, but he sad as well that his friend would never look at him that way. They would always just be friends.

The idea that he would always just be a person to talk to—a friendly ear, an advisor—made him shut his eyes even tighter. His stomach clenched and he thought for a second that he was going to throw up right there in the shower.

He was just going to be the good ol' best buddy—_forever_. Troy was never going to look at him with that certain glint in his bright blue eyes; he was never going to send him secret winks across the classroom; and he was never to going to seek up behind him as he put things in his locker, pecking him lightly on the ear or neck to alert Chad of his presence. Troy would just turn towards him for advice for presents for Gabriella, ask him whether he thought that she'd prefer a new charm for her charm bracelet or a silver and turquoise necklace, and never understood that these questions cut him deeper and deeper. But Chad would just smile and act as though he gave a damn.

He ran his fingers through his hair, ensuring it was completely wet. There was a burning feeling behind his eyes, a lump rising in his throat. He bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions in check. Guilt ran sluggishly through his veins with his blood. He was ashamed of his feelings and this would keep him silent, forever.

Chad stepped out of the shower, quickly toweling off before pulling back on his school clothes.

Troy jogged over, a bright smile on his face. His heart beat doubled, blood rushing through him.

For a moment, Chad thought his friend had that special glint in his shocking blue eyes as he looked at him. For a moment, Chad thought he was going to kiss him, slamming him against the lockers and enclose his mouth with his soft lips. For a moment, Chad thought all the dreams he wished in secret were going to come true.

But the moment passed and Troy stopped about three feet away from him.

"Chad! Gabby just called me. She said that her mom got her these tickets for a concert. What do you think I should wear?"

Chad smiled. "I dunno… Clothes?"

The burning behind his eyes redoubled and he was momentarily scared that tears were going to spill over his cheeks. Guilt and shame coursed through him, stopping him from saying the things he wanted too. He was being suffocated by his feelings, but he would remain silent.

He'd stay silent forever.

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**Please review! It won't take that long—just say whatever you thought of the story. :D**

**-Old Fiat s. Italy**


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